Psychology Less crazy together

Why do we take an instant liking to some people and not to others? Bochum psychologist Professor Hans Alves used surveys to explore this question. He found that if two strangers who don’t know anything about each other happen to share an unusual interest, they will be much more drawn to each other than if they share a dislike or a more popular interest. Hans Alves explains the reasons behind this phenomenon in Rubin, the science magazine of Ruhr University Bochum, Germany.

Stars, hobbies, holiday plans

The researchers at the Social Cognition research group surveyed the attitudes, as well as the likes and dislikes of their test participants in online questionnaires. Which books do they like to read? What do they like to eat or drink, what don’t they like? Which films do they watch and which do they avoid? What about celebrities? Hobbies? Holiday plans? The participants’ answers ranged from standard statements such as “I like holidays in the sun”, to quirky hobbies such as dressing up in fancy costumes.

In the next step, the researchers invited the participants to imagine meeting someone who had provided the same answer to one of the questions as they had. How keen would they be to get to know this person better and spend time with them? “It turned out that sharing the same interests makes people more likely to like each,” points out the psychologist. “And what’s more, unusual interests have a greater impact than interests that are shared by many people.”

We look for a common frame of reference

The researcher offers several possible explanations for this fact. For one thing, people bond with each other through shared similarities. “This is true even for coincidental similarities such as sharing the same birthday or the same name,” says Alves. When strangers meet, they look for a common frame of reference – and this is where they find it.

“When we meet someone who shares our attitude, it gratifies our desire for approval,” as Hans Alves outlines yet another reason. “Our need for validation is particularly great when it comes to unusual attitudes or inclinations,” he continues. “Someone who shares them shows us that we’re not alone, that we’re not actually crazy.”

Dating platforms should match such details

“We also looked into this aspect in the context of dating,” says Hans Alves. “We asked our survey participants: how eager do you think you’d be to meet this person?” Again, respondents expressed a greater inclination to meet someone when their unusual interests matched. “If I were running a dating platform, I’d make sure to match exactly such details,” points out Hans Alves, who, however, has no insights into the algorithms of such platforms. “This information is not communicated to the public.” Still, there are other reasons why it’d make sense to look for such matches, as literature suggests that they’re more important for the success and duration of a relationship than personality traits.